What is therapy good for?
Therapy is good for a lot of things, but I want to zero in on one:
Therapy is a time to slow down.
We all have so much to do in life. We have so many things vying for our attention, and many of them are really good things! Work, kids, spouse, friends, and family, just to name a few. Then there are the other things: Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Netflix, politics. In today’s “attention economy”, it can be really hard to slow down, shut everything else out, and get some peace and quiet. Therapy is one way to help yourself do this.
During that time, you don’t have to think about or give space to anyone or anything else. Therapy is a time and place to stop thinking about everything that needs to be done and everything that everyone else needs from you, and just to think about what “needs to be done” in you, and what you need.
Naturally, that is going to overlap with what needs to be done in life in general and with the things that the people around you need. However, therapy can help you slow down enough to actually think and speak about everything going on in your life–the good, the bad, and the ugly–both around you and inside of you, and get help making sense of it and organizing it. Our heads and hearts can get really crowded and chaotic.
A caveat:
Of course this is not a great way to live your life in general. For the most part in life, it is good to consider others and to give space to them in your life, as well as to take up space in theirs. Mutuality and interdependence in relationships is crucial. So, the way you “live life” for those 50 minutes in the therapy room is not necessarily the way that you should live your life outside of therapy. However, to do so temporarily in the therapy space, it can be extremely helpful.
Now, for all of what I’ve said so far, I am primarily thinking of individual therapy, but much of the same can be said about couples therapy, only replacing the “just you” part with “just your relationship”. So, it’s a time that you can set everything else aside, and just focus on yourself, your partner, and your relationship and the things impacting your relationship.
Of course, there are plenty of other ways that therapy can be beneficial, but if nothing else, it’s a time for you to put your proverbial oxygen mask on–not because you’re more important than others, but partially so that you can be even better at showing up for others.